Death Wish

He looked at the next letter on the pile; he prided himself on answering all the letters one way or another. But when he recognized the font he sighed: Lola again. There was not much he could there. Still…

Dear Death… No scratch that
Hello Motherfucker,

This is Lola here; you know the woman you’ve been ignoring for the past year and a half or so. You know, I know what people say but my ‘suicide attempts’ wouldn’t have been attempts if you’d collaborated a little. They’re not the acts of an attention seeking person. I’m not seeking attention. I’m seeking you. 

I mean you could have taken me after the climbing accident; after all, leaving me like this really was a dick move. I used to climb mountains for fuck’s sake, I was a fucking athlete. And I was climbing in the world: getting known, getting some sponsors who would finance my projects. And now look at me. A shell of a woman: incapable of walking, barely able to move my arms. Thank whoever invented voice recognition on computers otherwise I couldn’t send you this. 

There’s nothing left; the sponsors disappeared like rats fleeing a sinking ship, my boyfriend dumped me because he couldn’t stand the sight of me anymore. I’m a burden to my family and they hate it. They may not hate me but the medication, the doctors, the material required to keep me alive… it costs money that they don’t have. Money that should go to my brother and sister’s education. Not to keep me like this, like some vegetable. 

Sure I can use my head but what’s the point? I can’t climb anymore, I can’t ride, I can’t run, I can’t go to school finish my degree… There isn’t much left. I heard what they said: it’s still life. No it’s not living, it’s surviving at the expense of everyone else. I’m not stupid, I know if you come it will hurt them. But in the long term it’s for the best. I know it’s the easy way out. But there’s no other way out. It’s the only one.

Why didn’t you come when I drove my wheelchair into the swimming pool; it would have been easy. Fuck it’s heavy as shit and no one should have been able to pull it out of the waters. But no, you and some fucking guardian angel decided it wasn’t my time. Why can’t it be my time? I want it to be my time. NOW!

Now come and get me you moron.

He sighed again, as he finished. He understood the young woman; truly when she fell off that cliff, he was right there. It wasn’t his fault if a Rangers had happened to pass by. But now… he looked at his list. Lola was nowhere near the top. In fact, she had some years to live; two decades. He understood her frustration, somewhat. But it wasn’t his call. He was just the Reaper, not the decider. Who knew? Someone might come into her life and change her mind.

Besides, he knew what would happen if he ever went on a rampage and decided who got to live or die beyond the scope of his list: he’d be fired and he needed the job. How else was he going to feed the kids? Nobody wanted to be Death… Heck, the job sucked mostly. But no job was a stupid job. And he needed this one. Besides he was good at it. People trusted him because he didn’t look as scary as the guy before him. But Lola… she wasn’t to be reaped yet. But the only way he could let her know was if one of her suicide attempts brought her close enough to death for him to show up and tell her. Knowing her, it would be soon. With another sigh, he moved onto the next letter.


In response to Mindlovemisery’s writing prompt #203 on Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie
And in response to the Daily Post writing prompt Climbing

30 Comments Add yours

  1. Anna says:

    Wow. I love this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. True George says:

    yeah…a good analogy to say we cannot pick when it is our time regardless of the condition we are in…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess sometimes one can make their name go up on the list but it was mostly a way to say that we never know what life can come up with and despair/hopelessness prevent us from seeing further than pain and hurt.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True George says:

        suicide studies tell us that also.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Michael says:

    I love where you took this…the notion that death is an occupation and the current guy is less scary than the previous one…very clever….I also like that you gave him a conscience in that he understands her situation….excellent piece of writing and isn’t this a fascinating topic to write about….so many avenues that we can explore…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I guess when I think of death I always remember what my grand father used to say (from the Bible): you can never know the day nor the time. This is the one thing in life when choice is only relative. So I wanted to show that even that choice is limited for death itself.
      But yes, life/death are fascinating and endless subjects. We’ve all faced death in one form or another at some point in our existence. After all isn’t it the fact that it’s finite that makes life precious?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Michael says:

        Yes exactly life is finite and it why we need to live it as best we can.
        My near death experience was in a plane when it landed in a gale, on the second attempt, and the pilot basically dropped it onto the tarmac…ours was the last flight in that day..scary but I was amazingly calm…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Michael says:

          There’s an English play, “Whose Life is it Anyway?” that deals with a man who is basically only his head as from the neck down he is paralysed. The play concerns itself with his wish to die as he has no quality of life as he sees it. The political toing an froing is compelling with him as the pawn in the middle.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I shall seek it 😉 thanks for the referral 😉

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Mine was last year. I had what they suspected to be TIA, which truly felt like a stroke. I figured it was the end and I was anything but calm to be honest. I was at work and that really wasn’t the place I wished to be if it was it. Put a lot of things in perspective 😉.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Michael says:

          My younger brother had one of those. Glad you are ok now.

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Thanks. Hope your brother is ok too.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. jowensauthor says:

    Oh, I love this! Good job. Reminded me a little of a Piers Anthony book I read a long time ago.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh… never heard of the name. I’m curious to know which one.
      Thank you very much 🙏🏻

      Liked by 1 person

      1. jowensauthor says:

        Piers Anthony is probably best known for his Xanth series, but he also had another series called the Incarnations of Immortality, where humans become incarnations of things like Death, Time, War, etc. The first in the series is the one I was thinking of, On A Pale Horse.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ooh I like that idea.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Thomas Ward says:

    Very nice twist of sorts at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I agree with everything Michael said. I remember when I was in college, I had majored in Special Education for a brief time and we went to a school and met with some disabled students. There was a girl like the girl in your tale a former athlete, intelligent, had everything going for her and then an accident left her trapped in her body. She communicated the same way and all she wanted was to die it really really broke my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be trapped in one’s body. When they mentioned it was a risk if they did some infiltration when I hurt my back I just decided to take the pain and not risk not being able to walk anymore… It scared the hell out of me and I’m not an athlete by any stretch of the imagination.
      I do have a friend who used to play hockey and practiced so many other sports and now she can no longer move because of a genetic disease. But I’ve never met anyone as full of life as she: she goes skydiving, she travels… One can never know how they will react to the nasty curve balls life can throw at you. And I’m sorry to hear about this young woman.
      Thank you for your kind comment and for the prompt.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Adversity shows us what we are really made of and what a gorgeous and vivacious spirit your friend has and what a courageous and brilliant spirit you have as well!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I do my best; sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down. She, on the other hand, really is an inspiration 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Is your back better now?

          Liked by 1 person

        3. Oh yes that was a decade ago when I played volleyball 3/4 hours a day. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Oh wow so you were an athlete!

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Just for fun but it helped with stress mostly. Hitting the ball as hard as you can is good for your nerves 😜😜

          Liked by 1 person

  7. Lorraine says:

    A nice touch with the twist — Death as a job, not a calling. My heart goes out to Lola — for some there is no reprieve, and they lose their spirit with their bodies.
    Well written, poignant story.
    Funny, with me, when I was facing death a few times, I was extremely calm, thinking if this is it, this is it. My mother always said you don’t go until it’s your time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much 🙏🏻


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